


of burnt tangerines and forgotten memories

by applesinthechat



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Nami, Death, Gender Issues, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Personal Growth, Physical Disability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Serious Injuries, Strong Female Characters, Strong Nami, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 06:08:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26468446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/applesinthechat/pseuds/applesinthechat
Kudos: 17





	of burnt tangerines and forgotten memories

She wasn't very old when her life came crashing down. Too young to fully comprehend how serious this situation was, not understanding what was happening until her adopted mother was shot and killed before her very eyes.

(Bellmère fought many pirates throughout her time as a marine and gathered enough battle experience to survive. Who was even perceptive enough to realise that Arlong and his crew were coming for her, but not reacting negatively because it could have caused her daughters distress. Bellmère was able to acrobatically throw a fishman to the ground and place a rifle in his mouth, before he or anyone in his crew could react. Bellmère who sacrificed everything for her and Nojiko to live a happy life.)

Her kind, self-sacrificial mother who was forced to make the decision to: live on, without ever seeing her and Nojiko again as they both head out to sea with the high likelihood that they die out at sea, (Her adopted mother knew that the fishman pirates operate a certain way and that all the ships were destroyed as soon as they stepped on their island.) or to die, ensuring her and Nojikos' safety for the time being and risk Arlong taking interest in her skills.

Nami understood why she chose to die, but it doesn't mean she has to like it. _("I love you.")_

She's eight when she wishes that her mother took Genzos' advice instead. That Bellmère acted as if the two of them never existed, only paying for herself rather than her daughters, because then she would be alive. (Arlong would have been angry at being lied to though, slaughtering them all for trying to deceive him; for attempting to make a fool of him.) 

She's nine when she first fights back against Arlong, losing badly as he cackles at her injuries and at how weak humans were compared to him— the "superior" species. 

She's ten, eleven, twelve as she steals and learns how to be silent enough that every step she takes is barely noticable. She's twelve, thirteen and fourteen when she develops skills that help her to rob houses and mug unexpected people.

She grew her hair out once, — wanting so badly to look more feminine, more like what she would have been like in another universe, but it was soon chopped just below her ears instead. Long hair could hinder you in a fight. She found that out the hard way when at age fourteen she wasn't fast enough to dodge a hand coming her way. A hand that gripped her orange locks tightly, forming a fist that proceeded to lift her off the ground — so painfully high — and throw her off to the side, where her legs crumpled like a sack of potatoes. Long hair did more harm than good in this harsh world, and she prioritized surviving more than she did her own looks.

She came back one day, chunks of flesh burned and missing from her dominant arm. A finger chopped off at her knuckle, and the bones in her forearm so shattered that there was no hope for recovery. Recovery would have taken too much time anyways, and she didn't have enough time to spare on working to heal herself. The pain from her arm pulsed, pain that was far more painful than she had ever felt before. Not even her too young thievery endeavours could have prepared her for the absolute agony that was her arm. An arm that didn't cooperate with her anymore, as if she hadn't even had the limb in the first place.

So she dragged herself down to the village, whimpering at the clawing, grinding, raking trauma that was soon to be dealt with; the phantom pains that struck her, never calming down enough to give her a chance to breathe.

She had nearly given the poor old doctor a heart attack at the sight of her damaged limb, but she paid no mind to his conflicted, pain filled expression, instead requesting an amputation. _("Did they do this to you?! Tell me the truth!")_

There was no use in crying over it, it would never function again, and would only be a disadvantage when it came to living with the fishmen. The fishmen who take her damaged limb hard. Who rage and consider taking their anger out on her, but no, she proves herself to them. Proves that she can still be as useful as they expect her to be. Just because she didn't have her dominant arm anymore didn't mean she couldn't draw her maps anymore. 

(Nami has drawn thousands of maps in her lifetime. Maps that are picture perfect and so accurately drawn. Maps that she so badly wanted to draw for herself and not the evil man that had killed her mother and ruined so many lives. She didn't need her right arm. No, for she could draw with her pen held between her teeth, held in swollen achy fingers, or even with her toes as a last resort if she must.)

So losing an arm wasn't an issue to her, no the issue was that she would be weaker than she had been before, having to change her fighting style and train harder to gain enough muscle to support the metal arm that begins just below her elbow. It'll be tough and far more work than she had hoped she would have to throw in, but she would get stronger, the raw fresh stump be damned. 

Then, she'll defeat Arlong and send him to the depths of hell where he belongs. Saving the lives that were held heavily on her shoulders, the lives that she tried to so desperately defend with all her might.

She's sixteen now, and her body looks far different than she could have ever imagined it to be. Her waist has thickened out, no longer the hourglass figure that every feminine female longs for—the one that she took pride in. 

Her abs have come in nicely, giving her a v-line that was far more defined than it had been before she threw away her old life just a few years ago. Her previous thin and dainty arms are far gone, as they have been forced to gain weight and become stronger. The muscle mass that she has worked so hard to have in order for her to weld a bo stick — the very first weapon that she had stolen at age twelve from a small group of bandits. 

The same stick that Arlong threatened to use to bash her head in when she had given him a fake map all those years ago, thinking that she could hinder him slightly without him realizing it had been her fault. She was wrong, and so incredibly stupid for believing for even a second that it would work. All it did was give her a few more scars on her back and torso.

(Scars that look just like his stupidly, sharp shark teeth. As thin as her fingernails but oh so noticeable when someone looked close enough; when she looked.)

Along with her life, she throws away her old wardrobe that used to be filled with girly dresses, skirts and fashionable V-cut shirts. Purchasing longer pants that could hide her scars and bruises, plain male t-shirts that didn't highlight her curves, and practical shorts that no longer stop just under her butt, but now reach down to her knees instead. She doesn't have to worry about accidentally flashing someone anymore, or that her outfit shows off too much skin. 

No. Now she has to worry about the aching pain that comes from her breasts. Breasts that have grown far too fast for her liking, which is displayed as she steadily outgrows her sports bras and her bikini tops. 

Instead she steals from the rich, snobby nobles who think it's okay to treat everyone who are "below" their godly self as the dirt under their shoes. She steals from them and buys herself a handful of binders and compression shirts that allow for her to train more comfortably. That flatten out her figure, and make her look less fragile, or as fragile as she could have been with a metal arm. 

Having a metal arm as a female in the East Blue either raised more questions or caused people to stay away from her. 

Not that she needed friends anyway, they would just get in the way of her goal. She couldn't risk getting attached to someone, because she knew in the end she would have to betray them. Arlong never took well to her making friends that lived outside of Cocoyashi Island. The threat of her running away only became more likely he would say. That she would give herself and the villagers false hope that they had become free. 

(But Nami would never run away if that meant her family would suffer in her place. She had left them to silently tolerate the Fishmen for long enough. Putting them in that circumstance would only harm them if they decided to strike back while she was gone. Their strength was insignificant against a Grandline pirate, nor were they enough to take down a pirate from the Blues.)

She's seventeen when she reaches her goal — a new bo staff in her possession as she continues to join crews full of gross, disgusting men who kill, kill, and kill some more. (She has killed too, no matter how much she tries to ignore the fact. They haunt her dreams, and her body displays her guilt. Her hunched shoulders, bitten down nails and the fingerprints that cover her thighs when she is too out of it to feel the pain.)

She tricks them into believing she's powerless and that she wouldn't stand up against them even if she wanted to, letting them think that they were the ones in control. She deceives crews by acting like a cocky man, deepening her voice, showing them her skills and how strong she can be, but not too strong that they begin to suspect her betrayal. If she was too strong then the pirates wouldn't take nicely to someone showing them up. Being stronger than their captain? That was a huge mistake that she only made once.

She begins to cease caring for the gender stereotypes and expectations that exist for women. In the past Bellmère had encouraged both her and Nojiko to act on their feelings, telling them that girls could become as strong as boys, and their options weren't as limited as men made it seem. 

Nami knew that the gender specifics were bullshit in this world and that she didn't need to try to fit in, in order to be a female. She could look like a male and still consider herself female, she no longer cared for the opinion of an outsider. Of someone who didn't know her story and thought that she had ruined her figure by becoming muscular.

So she achieves her goal with her curves hidden, hair in a boyish haircut, scars covering her body and a prosthetic arm — only to lose her most recent stash in the ocean to a storm she should have been able to avoid. (Only for the fact that she has been running on no sleep for days now, and getting herself into fights that make her legs numb, and her arm irritatingly itchy from the constant use of her metal arm as she doesn't let herself rest.)

She's seventeen when she almost gives up. Seventeen when she decides that no matter what she does she will never be able to buy her village — not that she's expecting Arlong to keep up his side of the deal. No she's far smarter than that, and she knows he's been more evil than usual as he cunningly waits to crush her hopes once again.

She's eighteen when she loses her will to fight. Shes so incredibly tired, exhaused to the point where she fully debates letting herself become victim to Arlong's wrath.

She's eighteen when she meets a boy, not much younger than her who wears a straw hat. A boy she easily manipulates in doing her bidding, convincing him to fight against the Buggy Pirates. _("Woah! Lady you have a metal arm! A metal one! That's AMAZING! Does it shoot lasers?! Can you-")_

He bleeds for her and the stupid swordsman that has no sense of direction does too. _("Tch, come on witch you better hurry up and join. What? He saved ya', and you're nakama now.")_ All while she hides like a coward, stealing the map of the grand line that they have been rumored to have found just a few days ago— during all the commotion.

She really should have noticed it then. She should have realised how loyal the young captain is to his crewmates. How he will stop at nothing to save and protect his friends even against enemies that others could only dream about taking down. That type of loyalty was hard to come by in pirates. No typical pirate would put as much on the line as the bright boy does. Sure there were exceptions, but the bad people easily outweighed the good, leaving her to have the same old expectations she has always had.

Then she meets Usopp, _("I am the great Captain Usopp! I have eighty million men under my command! Leave this island immediately!”)_ a cowardly liar who despite his fears still tries his best to defend his village side by side with her and her temporary crewmates. (She didn't want it to be temporary.) He tries his best to be brave, but it was the boy with the straw hat who fought his hardest again to save someone he had barely even known. Who defeats the pirates and allows the village to have a normal, peaceful day without even knowing the dangers they almost faced; gaining a real ship in the process. _("Wow! A caravel!")_

She's eighteen and for the first time in a long time she smiles and laughs in the presence of the small crew. (Please don't take them away from her, she doesn't think she could keep going if that happened.) She fights alongside the boys who she has come to care for and sails the East Blue looking for a chief. 

"Such a beauty! A rose for you madam!" Her heart feels tight and she stills in her seat. She smiles, pushing past the tears in her eyes and she thanks that blonde cook—nearly missing the knowing look the green swordsman sends her. The cook who still sees beauty in her even when she can't see it herself anymore.

During their travels she almost forgets about the evil man who has her loved ones lives in his palm. The man who could easily relate and slaughter the whole island if he suspected she wasn't returning. 

It is then when a wanted poster brings her crashing down. (Please stop, she couldn't take it anymore.)

So she steals their ship. (She extended her stay as long as possible, any more time and she'd risk being considered a traitor.)

She's naive when she decides to deliver the last of the 100 million that she needs to buy the village, thinking that the fishman will keep his word.

She's eighteen and now fully hopeless as Arlong betrays her once again, laughing as she swears at him and cries in front of his crew.

She's so tired. 

So incredibly tired with her life that she doesn't even think twice about whipping out her knife and stabbing her Arlong tattoo— voice horse as she yells the name of the very man who has destroyed her life, stabbing her tattoo over and over again. She's broken as she weeps for this cycle to stop, for her to finally be able to be free.

Her captain comes to save her. (Of course he does, she's his friend now, not Arlong's) He grabs her hand stopping her from harming herself further and stares blankly as she screams and screams at him to leave. _("You don't understand! Leave! Leave! Go away!)_

A straw hat (Her captains' treasure.) is placed on her head and that is when she finally breaks. "Please help me." She gasps out, clutching her chest as limitless tears flow down her cheeks.

"OF COURSE I WILL!" Her captain bellows out, calling out for his firstmate, sniper and his newly aquired cook. All of them not hesitating to fight for her.

Shes eighteen, and Arlong Park has fallen, and only now does it hit her. As she watches the man who will soon become Pirate King rise from what was once the massive building that Arlong took pride in that is now a demolished heap of wooden planks. As the maps she's been forced to draw get scattered around, all becoming damaged in some way or from. (She's surprisingly not mad at her lifetime of work being ruined right before her eyes, because from now on she will create her maps for her and her ~~crew~~ family. No longer being used for her cartography skills.)

This is it she thinks.

This is the man she is going to follow for the rest of her life, for the rest of their adventures and till all their dreams are fulfilled. _("Nami! You're my friend!")_

Nami is eighteen and she is strong, strong enough to finally be happy.


End file.
